I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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