Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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