I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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