I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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