Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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