I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
