i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
