I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
