ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
