My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
