i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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