I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize