hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
