My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
