She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
My vagina just clenched in fear
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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