To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
