I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
