Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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