i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Drunk walkin through police station. America
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
