I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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