ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
