Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Randomize
