can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
you inspire me to be a worse person
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
