My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
ugly people sure do ruin things
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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