put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize