i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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