Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
