you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
