I accidentally burped into my bong.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
