no, he came in my armpit
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
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