Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
