My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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