1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
