we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
