Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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