Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
