Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
