no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
