so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
