Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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