There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
