what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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