Kiss
Puke
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
