Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Walk of Shame today included voting.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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