The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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