Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize