i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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