dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Randomize