wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
