Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize