oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
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