Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
