he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
