ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
