he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize