tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
