She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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