Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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