that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
