Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
