Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
