I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
