If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
