Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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