That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
