remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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