Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
