There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Randomize
