I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
