I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize